Question For You Single Ladies...
I have a question for all of you single women; does it feel like you are playing hide and seek with your future mate and he has not found you yet? Do you feel like he is looking in all of the wrong places? When I was a kid, I hated to play hide and seek with kids who only looked in the obvious places. Quit checking in the closets and under the beds...I am hiding up here!
After waiting for an extended period of time...my little kid arms and legs would begin to weaken and eventually I would drop down and quit the game. Although I was happy about the fact that I had picked a spot that would remain my secret...I was secretly disappointed when the other kid's would be found. The laughter, the surprise...the joy of being found! And what did I get out of the game...tired arms and legs.
Does this resonate with you? Have you grown weary while waiting? Have you dropped out of the game? Are you secretly disappointed after hearing the joy of someone else being found? If you answered yes to any of these questions keep reading, and stick around until the end...I have something special for you.
Dating does not have to feel like a long game of hide and seek. Actually, dating should feel quite different. Obviously I am speaking more so about the being found part of the game instead of the hiding portion, but whatever the case, being found by the right person should come organically. The question is, when it doesn't occur organically...what's stopping it from happening?
I would like to propose a simple yet profound solution that is often overlooked. As a mental health counselor, date coach and match maker, I have discovered a few techniques that virtually anybody can use to not only enhance their dating process but also increase their odds of finding and/or being found by the right person. To keep things practical, I will give you three points to focus on.
1.) In Order To Be Found By The Right Person, You Have To Know WHO You Are.
Let me cut straight to the chase with this one. Most people (about 7 out of 10 people based on my research) will not be able to properly define themselves. This may sound like a simple task but trust me...it is not that simple. Self definition is more about self-awareness then it is about listing a bunch of physical or characteristic traits. Knowing who you are is all about IDENTITY. Knowing your identity is the most important part of life. If you don't know it, you risk being someone or something other than who you were created to be.
I have witnessed this happen countless times. People often try to be who they think others want them to be. Some dress a certain way and behave a certain way...all in an attempt to portray a certain image to someone else. Most of the time we become who we want people to accept. Usually when a person is ignorant of their identity, they become someone else by looking to people, places or things to define them. Consider a young male who wears Jordan's because they give him status...or a woman who adds fake things to her body because they make her feel more beautiful...or a person who attends a prestigious university because of their desire to be associated with something historical. Externally, these things may not appear to be issues but if you peel back the layers you will notice that they often are motivated by a lack of identity.
A lack of identity occurs when you look outside of yourself to define yourself. What I espouse is a way to look inside of yourself to find the truth about your identity. The answer to your identity is locked in the same place as this popular commercial jingle. See if you can finish this song for me: "The best part of waking up is......." If this works, you would have just said the last four words to complete that verse. 5 minutes ago however, it is highly likely that you weren't thinking about that coffee commercial. What happened? Well, keep reading...it will all make sense shortly.
2.) In Order To Be Found By The Person, You Have To Know WHY You Exist.
Piggybacking off of my first point, a lack of identity often leads to a lack of understanding regarding ones purpose. Purpose is all about why something is. Over the course of my 10 years working with people in the mental health field, I have found that most individuals don't know why they exist and thus misuse their lives. Consider the young man who grows up in the inner city as a gifted poet but decides to get involved in drugs, violence and gang-like activity. Instead of living to inspire others with his gift...he had to inspire others through his death...which by the way was at the ripe age of only 25. This young man by the way, was Tupac.
Tupac is not the only causality of a misappropriated life. Most people who end up in the grave yard suffer the same fate. They die never having fulfilled their true purpose in life. I have found that most people will never get desperate enough to ask about their purpose. And, as a result, will float through life living based only on circumstances alone. The same can be stated about dating. Dating absent a purpose leads to disappointment. Think of it like this; you tend to find people where you are. If I am out of position, then I will often find other "out of position" people...or at the very least, I will find people who aren't a good fit for me. It's like taking a Mercedes Benz car to a Toyota dealership to get maintenance. Their parts don't exactly fit.
The approach that I take when helping a person to find their purpose is to get them to silence out the competing voices in their life. If we are not careful, our situations, our environments and our peers will give us our purpose. As with your identity...you were born with your purpose already hardwired within you. We just have to push the right buttons or ask the right questions to get the answers to come to the surface. The best part of waking up is...
3.) In Order To Be Found By The Right Person, You Have To Know WHAT You Are Supposed To Be Doing In Life.
What you do is all about where you are. In life, location is everything. With most people, if they lack a clear understanding of their purpose, by default they will struggle to do what they were born to do. This was almost my plight based on my first 2 years in college. Back then, I was super confused as to what I would be spending the rest of my life doing so I simply tried majors that I thought would interest me. After switching my major 4 times, I accidently stumbled into the field of psychology. I was fortunate...I wonder if you would like to take that same risk while you date? See, a focused person intentionally goes where they know they need to be. If you aren't intentional about how you position yourself in life, you will find yourself occupied by things that will only serve as a distraction.
When attempting to date, if you are out of position, you are more likely to miss the right opportunities. Prior to me becoming an entrepreneur, I worked a full-time, salary paying job. In my comfort...I made excuses as to why I would wait to really launch out to do my own thing. As a result, I literally almost missed the opportunity of a lifetime. The opportunity that pushed me to develop Single But Ready and the other sites and businesses that I have developed. If you try to date without knowing what you are supposed to be doing in life, you may find yourself settling for someone in Chicago instead of spending the rest of your life with the person that you would have met during a business trip to France.
It is imperative that you figure out what you are supposed to be doing in life prior to you entering into a serious and committed relationship. If not, your relationship will determine your position...and if you are out of position you will miss the opportunities that are waiting to meet you at certain points in your life. And we wonder why half of the first marriages fail, 60% of the second marriages fail and 75% of third marriages fail?
Knowledge Is Power
Knowing the "who," the "why," and the "what" of your life is so important that the overall quality of your life literally depends on it. To be even more specific...the overall quality of your next relationship rest on you knowing the answers to those three key questions. While you are single, you have the greatest opportunity of finding these answers. Don't expect them to come once you find your next relationship as you will be distracted by maintaining that relationship. Trust me...this is the key to having successful relationships. This is the key to being found.
If you want to severely increase the odds of your next relationship being your "last relationship" you have to get started today answering those 3 questions. It is not enough to think that you know them, you have to be certain that you know them. I have personally found that the best way to be certain is to take your thoughts and write them down...take them from your head and put them on paper. I feel that organizing your thoughts helps you make sense of your thoughts. Because of this, I have designed a tool that works solely on helping you to do complete this process quickly and efficiently. It's called the"Relationship Readiness Plan" and it is a tool that I have sucessfully used with my relationship coaching clients for years now.
Relationship Readiness Plan
With this, you will not only be able to organize your thoughts, you will be able to answer those three questions with guaranteed clarity...something that we all could use. For every reader of this blog, I am doing something that I have never done before. I am practically giving away this extensive tool. Usually I have it priced at $19.97 but for the sake of this blog, I am offering it to you for only $3.99! You will pay more for one trip to McDonald's than you will for this!
So here is your chance to better position yourself for your next serious relationship. I am offering my Relationship Readiness Plan for this price only on this article. Share this blog with all who needs this valuable tool. I would love to hear your feedback as you complete this tool and as a matter of fact, I plan on hosting a free webinar for the first 100 individuals who invest in this tool. Get started better positioning yourself today. Download the Relationship Readiness Plan below.
Also, if you are truly serious about securing the keys to your next relationship while you are single and about receiving more tools that will help you remain positioned for your next serious relationship, we can serve as your biggest resource. By partnering with Single But Ready, you will have access to my Pre-Relationship coaching tool box so that you can benefit from the same tools that my clients pay me by the hour to receive...except you pay nothing. Simply add you email to the box below and you will be part of our exclusive email list. Sign up now to begin your journey.
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