How Many Of Us Do This?
Criticism...just how many of us criticize other people? If you are honest, we all do. Now we may not do it out loud or even with the intent to harm, but...we do. Research tells us that it takes the average person about seven seconds to form an opinion about someone...seven...seconds...that's pretty bad! You are probably wondering why I am going into all of this. Well, the answer is criticism is almost innate...automatic...and conditioned in us. Even more importantly is the fact that criticism is one of the biggest reasons why most relationships fail. Criticism is also one of the reasons why men think most women are too mouthy and strong-willed while women think most men or too controlling and full of themselves. In this blog post I am addressing the ladies, and how we tend to run you men off. Guys don't worry; I got you on the next blog because it always takes two. Ladies, here are three types of criticism that cause men to run in the opposite direction.
3 Reasons Why Men Avoid You
Reason #1: Nagging
Think of the most annoying sound you can imagine. Now...think of that sound in your ear on a regular basis while you being expected to smile, nod, be calm and not become irritated...you got it...you hear it...ok...ladies that is what we sound like to our men when we are constantly getting at them about what they need to do, what we want them to do and what we are unhappy with. I am guilty of the same thing at times and it leads only to arguments and frustration. Don't get me wrong, we should let men know how we feel, what we need and hold them accountable, but the fact is we do it all wrong.
Reason #2: Too Much Negativity
Constant confrontations and finger pointing eventually cause a man to tune us out. I have been guilty of this myself and had to check myself. After a while, we teach our men to expect such behavior from us and they start to see us from that vantage point. For instance, when we are trying to be playful and funny they may take a minute to feel us out to make sure there isn't a hidden agenda because they are just SO used to us being dissatisfied all the time. You don't want that. You want your man to associate you with peace, love, understanding and enjoyment. This doesn't mean you are expected to never initiate conflict in your relationship, but choose to approach it differently.
Reason #3: You Get Too Defensive & Easily Offended
Criticism can also cause men to suppress their feelings. It is true that traditionally women are just more talkative and up front with their feelings in relationships than men. However, I have found that many men fade into the background not saying much because they wouldn't dare want to say something that offends or hurts their women resulting in them being in the "doghouse". Because of this, over time, men often just agree and go along with what their women want while inside feeling misunderstood and unable to be honest with how they truly feel. If your man told you your breathe smells or your body odor was a little strong what would you do? If he told you he thought you do look a little chucky in those pants or your family has too much influence on you what would you say? Really...think about it and be honest. You more than likely would be hurt, become insecure, or take it personal.
The Solution...Stay Tuned
This post was written for those women who want to grow past where they were yesterday and take their future healing, happiness and growth into their own hands. Faith without works is dead, so although I trust in God to lead and guide me in my relationships, I also know I have my own responsibilities in the process. One of those responsibilities is to learn from EVERY experience how I can be better for my future. Solution? I will give it to you...in a few weeks. Today, I want you to re-read this blog free of offensive and free of reasons as to why you have a right to act the way you do. Decide today that you will NOT focus on what "he" did to you, but what you learned from your experience. Pray, be honest with yourself and take some time to be quiet so that you have time to reflect. Thanks for taking this journey with me as I share my mistakes and my own experiences through these writings. Be on the lookout for my follow up post.
Also, if you are truly serious about securing the keys to your next relationship while you are single and about receiving more tools that will help you remain positioned for your next serious relationship, we can serve as your biggest resource. By partnering with Single But Ready, you will have access to our Pre-Relationship coaching tool box so that you can benefit from the same tools that our clients pay by the hour to receive...except you pay nothing. Simply add you email to the box below and you will be part of our exclusive email list. Sign up now to begin your journey.
What Do You Think?
Which one of these 3 forms of criticism have you been guilty of? Share your comments below.