Your next relationship needs your current failures. As a matter of fact, if you are not failing at something...or have not failed at something in a long time...you can almost bet that your next relationship will fail. I doubt that you want that...just as much as I doubt that you have had pleasant feelings about the introduction to this article. Did I get your attention? Good...now keep it locked on what you are about to read...if you blink, you may miss something truly life altering!
For starters, this post is geared towards all of my Movers and Planters, I trust that you will get what you need from what you are about to read. Secondly...resist the urge to come to a conclusion about the title of this post until you are completely done reading it. Now that all of the formalities are out of the way...let us get down to business.
Every week I counsel and couch individuals through my private practice. One of the most consistent principles that I espouse to ALL of my clients is the notion that the level of success that you will have in any area of life is directly connected to how you manage your biggest failures in life. This notion is especially true with individuals who are trying to date. For some reason, people hate to fail when it comes to dating. As a result, they limit the amount of risks that they take. And as a result of that...they miss opportunities (I will get back to this in a few).
Most singles that I encounter, who are Movers and Planters, express their desire to grow past their past and find the next relationship that they hope will result in marriage. They speak about learning from and overcoming their past and often feel that the key to future success is erasing their past mistakes. To them, being baggage free means being free from the past mistakes and limiting their current mistakes. They understand that no one is perfect...but to them the less mistakes they make, the better off they will be. You should see the looks on their faces when I tell them that they are wrong and that it is this faulty belief that has conditioned them to live life with limits. I share with them that because of this belief system, they have unknowingly set themselves up to fear failing.
Lies From The Experts
Now, just to be clear...I don't believe in failing just to fail. I do however believe in failing at the risk of succeeding. Let me repeat that. I believe in failing at the risk of succeeding. This belief goes against the societal norm of striving for perfection. Most dating "gurus" would even promote the antithesis of this notion by offering tools and tips that would keep you from failing. They will attempt to outline a step-by step process that if taken, will guarantee your next relationships success. It sounds good but is extremely intangible.
The psychology behind this is simple however. Most relationship experts understand that most singles (especially women) secretly but desperately want to find "true love" and they want to hear from people who can identify with their position, so all these experts have to do is strike that specific emotional chord and they will have your attention. Usually the goal for them is to get you to invest in a product or service that they are offering...one that will pad their pockets even if it doesn't add value to your current situation. Not to hate on them...(after all it works for them) but I value personal change over dollars. I want results over numbers. That is why I prefer to give you the honest truth...especially as it relates to your personal failures and how beneficial they can be to dating.
As a matter of fact, let me give you 5 reasons why you absolutely must not be afraid to fail in order for your next relationship to succeed.
1.) Your failures are THE stepping stones that pave the path towards your future success. I am convinced that if you don't use your failures...you are literally robbing yourself of future success.
2.) When you fail, you find out what does not work...useful information for future opportunities. Most people never learn from their mistakes despite their desire to do so. Let your failures teach you.
3.) Having the proper perception of failure keeps you solution-focused and creative. Your next relationship will require you to be both solution-focused and creative. Not one or the other.
4.) Failing means that you have taken a risk. You will need to take calculated risk in order to succeed at anything. Love is risky...but to get it you have to risk failing at it.
5.) Your failures are the very things that qualify you for future success.
Single & Refined!
This last point is probably the most important of the 5. Most people won't find future success in relationships because they aren't qualified to receive and maintain those opportunities. Failure has a unique way of conditioning you...no matter how you see it. As I like to say, "Failure doesn't define you...it refines you!" Many times in life we meet situations and individuals but don't recognize them for the opportunities that they truly are because we have been blinded by the fear of failure. If you are not being taught by your failures to see opportunities, you will miss them every time.
Every mistake that you have ever made is a tool that you will need at the next stage of life. I have found that most people struggle with transitioning from one stage to the next because they neglect the tools that they have accumulated. Certain keys open certain doors...if you leave a key behind or refuse to keep it, when it is time to use it...you won't have it. The next stage of your life is coded to be fit by the key that you just received from your latest failure. Your next relationship requires your latest failure. To neglect your latest failure is to throw away the key, the key that is designed to open up a specific door that is blocking you from your next opportunity.
As a Mover or a Planter, you are in the best position possible for becoming a Builder. If you remember, Builders are confident, purpose driven and more focused on pursuing their passions in life than a relationship. For Builders, the right relationship happens as a result of them being in the right position in life at the right time. They know how to take calculated risks while dating and aren't afraid to learn more about themselves as they grow. I would like to help you along that journey. We have designed a (very private) program call Xclusive Encounters. The whole premise of this program is to increase the amount of Builders.
We aim to help those who are truly serious about dating by providing them with hands-on, intimate, one-on-one and group pre-relationship coaching. We literally walk each individual who has been selected to be part of the program through a 60-day coaching program that is designed to increase your dating IQ, help you learn to best embrace and utilize your failures and literally send you on your first date with an individual that is "hand-picked" for specifically you. Forget online dating, we are solving the problem by finding those that qualify for the program, coaching them and then connecting them. But, before we can connect you...we have to locate you. Only Movers and Planters qualify for this program. If you are interested, simply click the link below and complete the application. I will review your application and contact you with the details.
If you are interested in receiving more great pre-relationship coaching tools and resources as well as becoming part of our Ready Nation Family, add your email to the box below.
What Do You Think?
When did you learn to fear failure? What has this fear stopped you from doing? Write your comments below.