6 Bad Habits That Keep You Single



6 Bad Habits That Keep You Single

Please Get Offended...

What I am about to write may offend you.  If so, that’s great!  My desire with this post is to challenge you to think past yourself.  If you can be objective about how you see yourself, then you will be able to see the things about you that may be stopping you from achieving happiness and stability in your relationships.  I not only want to help you be a better person, I desire to help you do what I failed to do with my wife…date with a purpose.  

Most singles will never admit that they are single because that can’t get a date.  Most will state that they are single by choice, or that God has them in a season of singleness.  Unfortunately, it is this very way of thinking that will keep them single for yet another season.  If this is you, I employ you to take the time to allow what I am about to write to provoke internal tension.  You will need this tension to motivate future change.  Without it, change will be difficult and more time consuming.

If you are really serious about succeeding in your next relationship, then you will want to be aware of the bad habits that you have, even though you think you don’t have them.  In this post, I will highlight 6 bad habits that are keeping you single.  If you break them, you increase your odds of securing success in your next relationship.  Keep them and you remain single or you enter into a relationship ill equipped…which will bring you right back to your current state…single.  Let’s dive in.

The 6 Bad Habits

1.)  You Play Too Much Defense.  Here is the truth about dating; Men play offense while women play defense.  Simply put, men are more aggressive when it comes to dating.  Women often take the passive route and wait for things to happen.  They wait to be approached, wait to flirt and limit themselves based on what they are given…not what they can create.  To date smart, you have to be opportunistic.  You have to create opportunities that may not happen, or that may happen but not to you.  Dating is risky business but half of the journey is overcoming the fear of rejection.  Men struggle with this fear but handle it differently.  If you become a recluse…how do you expect to be found? 

2.)  You Are Still Looking For The Ideal Man. Okay, let’s be frank for one moment…there is no such thing as an ideal man!  He only exist in your mind…he is a figment of your imagination!  If you are waiting for him to come knocking…prepare to wait for awhile.  Accept the fact that your coworker, the one that has a crush on you even though you keep overlooking him because he is not tall enough…or muscular enough, may be the only guy willing to put up with your imperfections.  I am not saying to settle or lower your standards…I am only saying to have realistic and attainable expectations.  You want Denzel but you only look like Halle during the day time.  If you are not perfect…or the ideal woman, how can you afford something that you can’t support?  Being honest with yourself will help you see the “good guy” differently…maybe he will get a shot after all?

3.)  You Have Too Much Fakeness. This one may ruffle some feathers.  Contrary to what you may believe, most men don’t like a lot of fake accessories.   Let me be clearer.  The extra long eyelashes, the rose colored blush, the extra long weave, the drawn in eyebrows, the push up bras, and body sculpting contraptions that give you an hour-glass figure only when you are fully clothed, we know it’s fake.  When men see this, they automatically ask themselves…”what is she hiding?”  He won’t ask you this to your face but he will think this, and his imagination will cause him to come up with a picture that may keep him from pursuing you.  I am not saying that enhancements aren’t helpful…what I am saying is that too much of the “fakeness” causes you to appear as if you are not fully accepting of who you naturally are.  If a man notices that you are hiding from yourself, he will devalue you.   And to him, an insecure woman is only good for one thing…  

4.)  You Talk Too Much.  Again, this one may ruffle some feathers.  If he notices that you always have an opinion about every moment of your day, then he will avoid you.  If you have a status update every 5 minutes, you have too much to say.  If you tweet every 20 minutes, you may need to write a book instead.  Honestly, most men want a woman who can balance being discrete and social…a woman who can communicate with class while keeping certain things to herself.  Being too opinionated is a turnoff.  Complaining is draining and talking too much breaches trust…especially if you say what you feel most of the time.  The average person listens for about 10 to 17 seconds before saying something.  Let’s see how long you can have a conversation with just your ears.

5.)  You Act Like You Have No Flaws.  Sorry, to be so blunt in this one but it needs to be said.  Again, this one should create more internal tension.  Most women position themselves as being flawless.  They appear to be strong and confident, independent and stable.  They act like they deserve only the best but negate the fact that one has to move from good-to-better-to-best.  Growth and change takes time and struggle.  You want him to be perfect for you because you believe you are perfect for him.  We both know that you are not.  As I reiterated in # 2, there are no perfect people. The longer you fool yourself into thinking that you don’t have to change, the longer you will be like you are…single.   Everyone has flaws.  Try owning yours so that you can truly get rid of them.

6.)  You Stopped Growing.  This continues off of # 5.  In order to date smarter and with a purpose, you have to remain on the cutting edge.  You have to remain relevant.   Instead of expecting him to like what you like, try immersing yourself into his world.  Imagine how impressed he will be the next time you bump into him in the break room and you share with him your displeasure for how Peyton Manning played during the Super Bowl.  Growth is vital to the human experience for without it we cease to exist.  The same is true about relationships.  You have to continually be expanding your boundaries and challenging YOUR own status quo.  Remember this, you don’t know everything, nor do you have all of the answers…no one does.  Since that is the case, occupy yourself with becoming a better version of your true self.

Are We Still Friends?

I hope that I was not too hard on you.  I only want you to be happy.  With that however, happiness comes with a cost, one that I know you can afford.  In order to date with a purpose, you have to be very intentional with how you see yourself, how you handle yourself and how you see potential opportunities.  Quit being star struck by the vision of your future marriage ceremony and occupy now.  Take advantage of now; improve now so that your later won’t look like it does now.  Your happiness is only 6 broken bad habits away.  Even though this sounds like more work, don’t be discouraged, we are here to assist you along your journey.  By partnering with Single But Ready, you will have access to my Pre-Relationship coaching tool box so that you can benefit from the same tools that my clients pay me by the hour to receive…except you pay nothing.  Simply add you email to the box below and you will be part of our exclusive email list. Sign up today.   


What Do You Think?

Which of these six are you guilty of?  What have you done to break these bad habits? 

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