sex-date

 

5 Reasons Why Sex While Dating Is Dangerous

I Am Guilty 2! 

First let me start by saying that I am guilty of this topic.  As a matter of fact 95% of all who read this blog will be guilty of this topic.  For the other 5% of you who are not guilty, way to go!  You have managed to avoid the common stumbling block that the majority of singles trip over.  This stumbling block of course, is sex while dating.  Right now there is a tremendous underground debate regarding this topic.  On one side there are those who believe that sex before marriage is a sin.  And on the other side, there are those who believe that you want to know what you are marrying before you marry them…test drive the car so that you can determine your compatibility. 

This blog won’t disrupt the tension between those two camps.  My plan however, is to add to it, so that in the end, you can make the best choice for yourself, not because of me…but because of the tension.  Truth is often found in the tension of two opposing beliefs! Also, the art of dating is such a lost craft that I feel compelled to go back to the basics.  I am compelled to help reset the standards that should be held during this very fragile stage of the relationship. 

Most people can’t adequately define the 4 stages of a relationship and as a result, do and say things in the wrong place in the relationship and at the wrong time during the relationship. Everything in a relationship has its proper time…sex has its proper time.  But, if used at the wrong time, it can be very detrimental to the foundation of the relationship.  Sex while dating is very dangerous.  If you've lost your virginity to someone that you are not with right now, you know what I mean.  In this blog, I want to share with you 5 reasons why sex while dating is so dangerous. This blog is a spinoff of our most popular podcast.   

5 Reasons Why It's Dangerous  

1.)  Sex Becomes The Main Expression Of Love.  Let’s be honest, most people will have sex while dating because of their perceived emotional connection.  These are those who believe that sex is the best expression of their love for their mate and as a result will use sex to maintain or foster their emotional connection.  When this happens, you limit the full maturation of your emotional connection and are often reduced down to your sexual chemistry.  Sex is good…but not good enough to make a weak relationship strong over time.  Once the storms come (and they will) whatever your relationship is built on will attempt to hold you up.  How strong is your foundation?  

2.)  You Remain Connected To That Person, Even After The Relationship Ends.  I know this sounds creepy but…well it is creepy.  There is no way around this one.  Whenever you open yourself up sexually to another person, you are literally giving them a part of you.  This stems far beyond just the physical level and connects you two at the soul, the emotional seat of a person.  This idea is not new however.  Thousands of years ago, if a man was caught sleeping with an unmarried woman, or if a man raped a woman…he was required legally to marry her.  They were legally considered married, or ONE.  If we were to apply this notion to today, how many times have you been married?  Better yet, what type of person(s) are you married to?  I plead the 5th on that one, lol!

3.)  Your Physical Urges Become Your Master.  Whatever you submit to becomes your ruler.  If you don’t believe me ask any person looking to stop smoking, watching porn, drinking or any other habit forming behavior.  The same is the case when submitting to your sex drive.  Hey, I have been there…I know the struggle, but at the end of the day it was my choice that I traded for pleasure.  Once sex is incorporated with the confines of a relationship, it is hard to remove it.  One slip up becomes a second opportunity which leads to routine connections.  All because “no” no longer means what it is intended to mean.  Also, if your physical urges rule you, then it is only a matter of time before they require more from you to be fulfilled.  How many of you have been cheated on?  If you have, then you have witnessed firsthand what being weaker than your will looks like.  

4.)  You Drain The Anticipation For Marriage And Devalue Sex's Purpose In Marriage.    Yea I said it.  Sex while dating devalues sex while married.  Honestly, if most men can have sex with you while dating…they see no need to move towards marriage.  If he can get the goodies without waiting, why complicate things with a ring or a contract…keep your own last name.  If he commits, it will only be so that he can continue to get what he has been given…but watch him stall when it comes to proposing.  How many of you have that one friend that has been dating for years now and has been pressuring her boyfriend to propose to her but he won’t budge…maybe that is you.  Any case…you are worth the price of admission.  What is your ticket price?

5.)  Sex Causes Emotional Confusion.  All sex have emotional consequences.  If you are already dating and you are emotionally confused…don’t expect sex to clear things up for you.  Misappropriated sex will cloud your emotions and cause you to compromise your current emotional condition.  Most people don’t like to face reality anymore than they like to truly examine themselves in the mirror.  If you are attempting to date smart, sex will take the focus off of the truth about you and the relationship and place the focus onto what you may feel you want or need from the other person.  Having sex prematurely into the relationship interferes with your ability to change and it stunts your emotional growth as well.  If you don’t grow while dating, don’t expect to act grown when you are married.  

The Reality

If you are serious about dating with a purpose, then you have to be purposeful about everything that you do and don’t do while dating.  I write this knowing that not having sex while you are dating will be very difficult, especially in this sexually charged society.  It means that you may be single for a little while longer, or that you may be called lame or boring.  It means that you will have to deal with the pressure of turning down advances and missing potential relationship opportunities.  But it also means that you will be ready.  Ready for your next serious relationship to succeed.  But you don’t have to be alone in your journey.  Single But Ready is positioned to help you at every step of the way.  By submitting your email below, you will have access to many of our exclusive pre-relationship coaching tools on a weekly basis for free!  Plus, when it gets tough, you will have someone qualified to help you succeed along your journey.  Sign up today.   

What Do You Think?

Are you struggling with sex while dating.  Do you agree or disagree with this topic?  Share your comments below. 

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