Relationship-Problems

 

8 Reasons Why Your NEXT Relationship Will Fail

Working Smarter not Harder

Being single is hard work, especially if you are single by circumstance and not necessarily by choice.  You have to deal with the loneliness, the boredom, the temptations, the desire to date without having the energy to date, the failed dates and the limited dating pool as well as enduring through movies like The Best Man Holiday (which was good by the way) during your selfie date nights. 

If those situations aren’t good enough to convince you as to why being single is hard work, allow me to add another reason.   Being single is also hard work because you make it hard work.  Let’s be clear…yes I am pointing the finger, but not in the way that you think.

Singles make dating hard work because they often set themselves up for future failure by overlooking the strategy behind dating…and yes there is a strategy behind dating.  Dating often becomes hard work because singles don’t know how to properly prepare themselves for dating prior to dating.  This all but guarantees that they will repeat the same cycle of singleness.   Learning what you are currently doing wrong now ensures that you will break that cycle.  Simply put, if you don’t learn now, then you will fail in your next relationship.

 

Reasons...

Before you view me as being overly pessimistic, check out these 8 things that you may be doing now that is increasing the difficulties of dating and will ultimately lead to a failed relationship.  

1.)  You think you have no problems.  Us men are more guilty of this than women but no matter the gender, this thought impacts the quality of the dating experience.  The fact of the matter is that you are single for a reason.  Your last relationship failed for a reason.  If you were perfect, you probably would not be reading this now and you most definitely would not be interested in learning how to date better.  I often tell my coaching clients that your relationship is your mirror.  Your significant other will often reflect back to you your flaws, your issues and your secret insecurities.  People that feel as if they have no problems will often become defensive, stuck in their ways and blame the other person for the present flawed condition of the relationship.  Let’s be honest…we all have problems.  Only honest people can fix them.

2.)  Your heart is still broken.  There is nothing worse in a relationship than a person who can’t be 100% emotionally present.  If you have not healed and you try to date, then you will inadvertently do more damage than good to not only your healing process, but to the person that you are dating.   No one wants to be in a rebound relationship.  No one wants to be used as a Band-Aid.  Imagine that…you use me to cover your nasty wound…how rude!  Allow your heart to heal before exposing it to the stormy waters that are stirred up in new relationships.  If you are broken, the relationship is more likely to be broken…simple as that. 

3.)  You've been single for way to long.  This may seem like a catch-22 but consider this; I have come across singles who refuse to date until they find the exact person that “God” made for them.  Unfortunately, they have the process backwards.  I believe that you should court with only the person that God has for you but that you should date to find that person.  Some singles have been single for so long that they have completely forgotten how to date, how to flirt in a healthy manner, they have forgotten what appropriate dating behaviors are and they become awkward and anxious.  They become overly confident in their ability to be independent and struggle with becoming interdependent…something that every strong and healthy relationship needs.

4.)  You fell for the game.  Some singles struggle so much with the despair that accompanies being single that they begin to believe things about themselves that are not true.  They struggle with thoughts such as; “you are not attractive, that is why he likes your best friend.” “You are too fat for her.”  “What man would want a woman with 3 kids?” They develop voids out of their conviction that they have personal issues that others are simply not attracted to.  As a result, the moment someone comes to them saying the right things, saying something that fills the void, they allow that person in.  They unintentionally become emotionally gullible and allow their emotions to override logic.

5.)  You confuse love with lust.  We have all been there.  Swept away by that “cloud 9” experience.  You may get convinced that this person is the one because you are telling yourself things like; “I just get this feeling when I am around her” or “We could kiss all night if we tried.”  I’m already laughing to myself about this one, my wife and I were guilty of the lust for love transaction when we first met.  Here is the honest to God truth.  If you are not emotionally aware during the first 3 months, your emotions will fool you...and so will your hormones.  You will go to sleep and wake up with that person on your mind and feel convinced that this is the best thing that could ever happen to you.  Wait it out…nothing lasts forever.

6.)  You have too many people in your relationship.  Yes, this still happens.  The moment you start dating, you share your newly updated status with the entire world…or at least you entire Facebook friends list, all your Twitter followers, your Instagram photos as well as your parents, your best friends and that one coworker  that you really can’t stand but you like to make her jealous.  Sometimes less is better.  Especially if you will be single again in another month.  Build the walls of your house first before inviting others over for the house party.  The moment others have access to your relationship, the more likely it is that they will have an influence on your relationship.  Remember, less is better. 

7.)  You still don't know how you contributed to your last failed relationship.  Your next relationship is doomed to fail if you bring your last relationships baggage with you.   You have to learn from your past mistakes by asking the right questions.  It is imperative to take the proper time to ask yourself the hard questions, the questions that you often would hide…or sweep under the rug of the past.  If you overlook what you contributed to your past failed relationships, then you shoot yourself in the foot even before the race begins.  Healthy relationships are built upon the shoulders of those willing to grow past their past mistakes.  Figure it out first so that you don’t pay it forward to your next relationship.

8.)  You're convinced that you NEED to be in a relationship.  When you get to the point that you need a relationship, you are in deep trouble.  It is one thing to be independent…it is a whole other thing to be dependent when it comes to ones desire for companionship.  Dependent people struggle with being strong in relationships.  They operate from the false premise that the relationship will make them secure, confident and strong.  They often settle for less than they are worth and put up with all kinds of things that only erode at the foundation of the relationship.  The key here is loving yourself more than you love the idea of someone else loving you.   Be fully convinced in yourself first so that you can truly separate your needs from your wants.

 

Be Honest

No one wants their next relationship to fail.  So why not make the necessary changes so that you don’t end up back where you are now?  Changing your dating patterns is often the hardest when you don’t know what questions to ask, what tools to use and the strategy behind dating.  If you saw yourself in any of the 8 reasons mentioned above, you will need to make some changes.  We can help with that.  Subscribe below to join our free newsletter to ensure that you have an ally to help you through this process.  We will share with you the strategy behind dating so that your next relationship is your best relationship.

Your Turn

Which of the 8 reasons are you guilty of having?  Share with us your comments below.  If you don’t want to comment, at least like us or share this article with someone who could use the information.

 

 

 

 

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